


honey, please find your way home.

by merikai



Category: SK8 the Infinity (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Episode 9 spoilers, Hurt No Comfort, Introspection, Kyan Reki Needs a Hug, M/M, Not yet anyways, Reki-Centric, Team as Family, and he doesn't get one, chapter two will be a happy ending and reki will realize his friends CARE, t for language miya has no chill, vague suicidal thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:34:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29890164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merikai/pseuds/merikai
Summary: it's hopeless isn't it? because he can't skate without langa, and langa can skate without him....or: reki feels a little lost, and a little unloved.
Relationships: Hasegawa Langa/Kyan Reki
Comments: 6
Kudos: 77





	honey, please find your way home.

**Author's Note:**

> reki needs to get his shit together bruh YOUR FRIENDS LOVE YOU.
> 
> the enemy - andrew belle.

…

_don’t try to follow me_

_i would hold you down if i could_

_make you the enemy_

_i would let you down_

_…_

reki knows langa doesn't want anything to do with him. 

he doesn't need him anymore, of course. langa’s _grown,_ he's good, he's talented- he doesn't need reki. he picked up the hobby reki’s played at for years and used reki’s techniques, mastering them within weeks. it took reki _months_ to get that ollie down. it took langa two weeks. reki is weak, reki is useless. langa doesn't need him, and surely langa knows that. he's not wanted. they don't need him. he's not _truly wanted._

_you're not wanted, reki. you've never been wanted._

_yourenotwanted._

_notwantednotwantednotwanted_

reki- he's the weak link in the group. everyone else is talented, in their own way. langa’s a natural. shadow’s vulgar ways of skating gets him places. miya is a nimble acrobat, quick on his feet. cherry is _flawless._ joe is _strong._ what is reki? 

he's- he's _him._ he's not enough. he can't keep up.

‘ _i can't keep up with you guys.’_

he can't. langa and the others level up by the day, and reki's still where he was a week ago. they're too good for him. 

it's why langa would rather skate with adam than him. 

it's not jealously. he knows it's not- it's worry. he doesn't want his friendship with langa to be like _last time._ he didn't make it out of his beef with adam without getting hospitalized. the love hug overpowered him. he remembers the pure fear that flowed through him as adam charged towards him. his body wouldn't _move._ he couldn't get himself to move, and his life was on the line. if that happened to him, .. _what'll happen to langa?_

reki is useless. he’s so _weak, and horrible and everything bad_ and he's _good for nothing._ he doesn't deserve to have friends like them. he doesn't, he really doesn't, and reki wants it all to _end._

he thinks he might want joe to ruffle his hair, a proud slap on the back from shadow, for miya to knock their shoulders together, maybe a hug from cherry. langa and him to lace their fingers together. he wants selfish comfort from his friends, and- he just wants _help._ he _thinks_ he wants that, but the voice in him screams he doesn't deserve it. he doesn't deserve comforting words, soothing touches. he doesn't _deserve anything._ he might as well throw it out the window, he doesn't deserve _any of it._ he doesn't deserve his friends’ company, and reki thinks he's going to cry. he shakes it off, because he's already too weak and useless to think like that. 

and old greek tale arrives at the forefront of reki's mind and he thinks of icarus. icarus and daedalus flew, they soared, and daedalus stayed lower down, and warned icarus not to go too high. but- but, icarus flew, and he flew too high. he was too reckless, too young. he flew too high and got himself killed, killed because he flew too close to the sun. 

reki is icarus, langa is the sun, and reki has flown too close. 

reki flies, and langa _soars._ reki wants to know how he does it, and trying to fly and touch the star, he fails. he fails- he _fails._ he doesn't succeed something langa did with ease. he thinks, he might just be a little be too slow. 

they made a promise. a promise that langa can't break, he just. he can’t. he really _can't._ because if he does, langa is going to get hurt. reki is scared, and langa’s not, and that's where they don't see eye-to-eye. 

he's moping in bed, and there's homework half done sitting on his dresser. his hair is sticking up in all directions, but reki grabs a brush and halfheartedly combs through it. he hasn't moved since early afternoon yesterday, and it's a weekend, so there's definitely s tonight. he’s not going, langa probably is. everyone else probably is.

they don't need him. shadow said it himself, so did miya. 

‘ _their not paying attention to you, anymore.’_

_‘whose the redhead that hangs around snow?’_

_‘probably some low-life. don't pay attention to him.’_

they don't need him. he's not good enough. 

there's harsh knocking at his door, and he's home alone. his moms at work, and his sisters are off at a friends house. he lazedly gets up, a _please go away_ already on his tongue. he grabs the knob, pulls the door open only to blanch.

“ _miya?”_

the kid looks him up and down, and shoves past him like he owns the place. he glances around, spinning around on the ball of his heel to face reki, arms crossed tightly over his chest.

“what. are you _doing?”_ the child glares at him, silently judging reki’s disheveled appearance.

“i'm sleeping. please leave me alone.” reki just wants the kid to leave. why can't anyone just _leave him alone?_

“sorry, reki,” he steps forward, arms still crossed, “but you look like you haven't gotten a second of sleep in years.”

“shame.” reki yawns. he shuffles in place. he could go for a glass of water, to be honest. 

“your boyfriend’s been moping, too. something happened. shadow told me to stay out of it, but fuck that. you two are idiots, you won't get shit done.” 

reki's fingers wince at _boyfriend_ and he has half a mind to tell miya to stop cussing cause he's literally, like, eleven. “miya, please leave me alone.”

“then tell me why you and langa have been avoiding each other cause it's stressing me the fuck out. it's like my parents divorced.” reki’s left eye twitches.

“you guys,” miya perks up because he might actually find out why reki’s been so _stupid,_ and he prepares to be disappointed, “you're in a different league than me.”

_what?_

“you, shadow, cherry, joe, _langa._ you're all- you're all good. and i'm...me. i'm not getting better, i'm a mediocre skater, and langa’s _excelling!_ i'm not impressive compared to any of you guys. i'm so happy for langa, miya, i'm so _happy,_ but i'm not good enough to be with someone- people so talented.”

miya stands in front of reki, completely shocked. his eyes narrow, before he grits and teeth. he looks like he wants to punch reki to get him out of his stupor, but then his eyes soften. instead, he bluntly tells reki, “you're an idiot.”

“i know.” reki whispers.

“you are so _stupid-”_ reki ducks his head shamefully,

 _“-_ and you need to go tell langa how you feel _right now.”_

miya stares at him with a firm, unrelenting gaze. “i promise you, reki, if you tell langa what you told me, he will say the same thing as me. you are a _dumbass.”_

reki shuts his eyes tightly, as if trying to swat away his emotions, and the fact he _needs_ to confront them. when he opens his eyes, an excuse already leaving his lips, miya is gone. 

he shuts the door, eyes on the floor. shame coils in his stomach, and at s that night, he thinks he regrets going.

he wants to watch langa _fly,_ but staring at him dejectedly skate after joe leaves him in the dust, reki grits his teeth. he clenches his fist.

_langa never should give up so easy._

“ _langa!”_

“ _skate!”_

langa flinches like he's been shocked, like he's been punched in the stomach, and he turns and makes direct eye contact with reki. the other doesn't recoil away from his gaze, instead challenging langa to finish the beef. langa nods, almost in understanding, and _zooms._

reki doesn't smile, he watches langa burst away, and he feels a realization unravel in his gut. he doesn't wanna _watch_ langa skate, he doesn’t even feel _happy_ watching him. he can't, he actually _can't feel that feeling he always has-_ and reki knows why.

_i can't feel happy if i'm not the one skating with him._

reki blinks slowly, steps away from the skate track, and makes a slow walk home. he stares at the swirling, grey, hopeless clouds above him and he imagines the cloud to be full of his own burdens. reki- what does he want, really? he wants _langa,_ he wants his friends back, but he knows, for the better, that they don't need him. he's not needed at s, and- well, he doesn't belong there. not at his skill level.

it's hopeless isn't it? because he can't skate without langa, and langa can skate without him.

walking away from the best friendships he's ever had, reki realizes he's not needed. he isn't, langa is, and reki can't even find it in himself to be happy.

he walks home, lonely and anxious, and feels that, maybe, there should be a body beside him. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> episode 10 better hit the brain itch


End file.
